Torchwood on MSN
by IantoIStheBEST
Summary: End of the world.Saw a story in this format and thought I might have a go.Ianto is the Doctor and the Master's son,cause he is that cool. Janto . Gwen-bashing cause I HATE Gwen. Mpreg.Reloaded the whole thing,thanks for the tip off Taco. GUYS IDEAS PLEASE! I'M STUCK BUT DON'T WANT TO GIVE UP! sorry for shouting, please review. alien! Ianto. IantoIStheBEST xxx
1. Chapter 1

Torchwood MSN

**Having to reload the whole thing! Someone could have said that the Tabs hadn't come up and it was a unreadable mess! Here you go… Enjoy.**

Captain: Has signed in

The Master: Has signed in

Captain: Oh its u

The Master: Who else is on at this time at night?

Captain: The Doctor :)

The Master: Are you still trying to propose to Ianto?

Captain: …

The Master: I've known for a while. So far I've mucked up all of them.

Captain: Thanks

The Master: Your welcome :D

Captain: I could have made a big mistake

The Master: What do you mean?

Captain : I can't marry Ianto

The Master: What, because I would stop you?

Captain: No

The Master: Why then?

Captain: Ask The Doctor

: Has signed in

: Ask me what?

The Master: Other than me, what is stopping him proposing to Ianto?

: Jack. I've told you, it is different on Gallifrey you can marry him

Captain: I human :(

: I know you're not so ask or I'll ask for you

Captain: :(

: Jack!

Captain : alright :(

Captain: Has signed out

The Master: Why can't he

: I'll tell you later

Coffee King: Has signed in

Mr. Sarcasm: Has signed in

Gwwenn: Has signed in

Tosh: Has signed in

The Master: Why?

: Because they'll see

The Master: Oh, yes. Hi guys

Coffee King: What r u talking about?

: Nothing

The Master: you and how Jack wants to marry you

Coffee King: yeah like that would happen. This is Jack Harkness we're talking about. If he wanted to marry anyone he wouldn't marry me because I'm his part-time shag. He doesn't love me!

Coffee King: Has signed out

: that's it. I'm talking to Jack.

Mr. Sarcasm: Has signed out

Tosh: Has signed out

The Master: you too Gwen.

Gwenn: Well they obviously don't like each other so I'll…

: Sign out!

Gwenn: Has signed out

Jack : Has signed in

Coffee King: Has signed in

Coffee King: Is this about Jack's non-existent proposal?

Jack : Has signed out

: Keep your ****ing mouth shut!

The Master: Theta go after him.

: Has signed out


	2. Chapter 2

MSN II

Jack: Has signed in

DR: Has signed in

DR: Thank you jack. Now Ianto shut up. Jack does want to marry you but the master has been stopping him proposing and now he's got it into his head that he can't

Coffee King: Jack?

Jack: …

Coffee King: See dad he doesn't

Jack: I do but I don't want to propose over msn

Coffee King: :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :D

Jack: I'll take that as a yes.

Coffee King : Of course it's a **yes. **But you're still going to propose down on one knee and everything

Jack: On one condition.

Coffee King: What?

Jack: the master won't set another rabid rodent on me

The Master: It wasn't me it was theta's idea

Jack: THETA SIGMA I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!

Coffee King: Good luck dad

DR: Thank you Mrs Harkness to be

Coffee King: Oi… It's Mrs Harkness-Jones to be. I'm keeping my surname.

Jack: :D do I get to be Nr Harkness-Jones?

Coffee King: Actually I think you're going to be the 'Mrs' remembering last night.

Jack: Please don't tell them!

Coffee King: :) I won't ;) Jack's a girl in bed!

Jack : Bugger off

The Master: Girl! Girl!

Jack : I'm going to strop now.

Jack : Has signed off

Coffee King: I better start begging… or threatening. Threatening works better.

DR: Threatening what?

Coffee King: Sex ban

Jack : Has signed in

Jack : Strop over. No need for a sex ban. Beg Beg Beg Beg Beg Beg Beg.

Coffee King: :)

DR: LOL

The Master: you can get away with that?!

Coffee King: jack hasn't changed that much :)

Jack: I don't flirt anymore! Unless it's with u :)

Coffee King : Jack, I forbid u to contact unit!

Jack : so I don't have 2 go 2 meetings :)

Coffee King : No u go 2 the meetings cause I'm going 2

DR : sit down :D

Coffee King: :P LOL! Good one

The Master : I am surrounded by weirdoes

Jack : I hate 2 say/write this but… IagreewithTheMaster! :S

The Master: That is a 1st

Jack : And last!

The Master: I think Ianto is good looking.

Jack: I disagree

The Master: What!

DR: Ditto!

Jack: I think he is gorgeous!

Coffee King: :) I…

DR : What?

Coffee King: doesn't matter. I'm going to continue with the archives. See ya.

Jack: Ianto!

Coffee King : Yes?

Jack : I love you too

Coffee King : Has signed out

Jack: Has lost connection

The Master: What was that?

DR: Ianto pretty much killed jack by jumping on him in what I think is a… hug.

The Master: Right. Ok. When are you coming home?

DR: 7 ok?

The Master: 5.30 latest :D

DR : ok I'll ask jack once Ianto has stopped hugging him to death.

The Master: Bugger!

DR: What?

The Master: Jack is going to be my son-in-law! X_X

DR : Bet u he still fancies me.

The Master: He fancied u?

DR : yeah. I was more interested in Rose.

The Master: What about me?

DR : I love u not fancy u

The Master: :) Love U 2. Have the boys stopped yet?

DR : Yeah I'll go ask them now.

DR: Has signed out


	3. Chapter 3

MSN III

**2 weeks later**

Jack: Has signed in

The Master: Has signed in

Jack: Master I need to talk to you

The Master: What about?

Jack: Promise not to kill me

The Master: all right, just this once

Jack: I'm pregnant

The Master: woah! Is it Ianto's?

Jack: Obviously. I haven't had sex with anyone else in 14 months!

The Master: Haven't you been with Ianto for 2 and half years?

Jack: I was raped.

The Master: That's ok then. I thought you had cheated on Ianto

Jack: I wouldn't dare. Anyway I'm 5 months pregnant and I don't know how to tell him because he is against the idea of us having kids!

The Master: abort

Jack: no!

DR: Has signed in

DR : what r u talking about?

The Master: Jack's pregnant and Ianto doesn't want it so I told him to abort and he said no (with an exclamation mark)!

DR: Jack, r u pregnant?

Jack : not for much longer

DR: you're not going to abort. Anyway it's fantastic news! How long?

Jack: 5 months gone

DR: :) You and Ianto will make fantastic parents!

Jack: Ianto doesn't want it

DR: He will trust me

Jack: ½ :)

DR: Go tell him

Jack: ok :)

Jack : Has signed out


	4. Chapter 4

MSN IV

**Ooh. Quick update! It's illegal, don't call the police :). Decided soppy moment deserved its own chap. Nee nar… Oh NO! here come the police… on with the story then.**

Real Life

"Ianto can I talk to you?" asked Jack, Ianto nodded and walked up to Jack's office.

"Yes Jack?" Ianto asked. Jack walked up to Ianto and hugged him.

"I'll tell you something if you promise not to get angry?" stuttered Jack. Ianto smiled.

"Sure." He replied. Jack smiled nervously.

"I'm pregnant." Whispered Jack looking terrified.

"Really?" asked Ianto.

"Yes. 5 months." Jack answered.

"How long have you known?" asked Ianto.

"2 months." Answered Jack looking hopeful.

"You didn't tell me! You've been drinking coffee and eating all sorts of stuff you shouldn't." Ianto paused, "If you die will the baby come back too?" Asked Ianto looking terrified at the thought.

""Half; I would have a miscarriage as soon as I come back." Stated Jack, unable to stop smiling.

"that's it! You're on desk-duty!" ordered Ianto.

"What!"

**Hope you enjoyed. Hiding under my bed. The police will never look here. Sigh can't get the coppers these days. IantoIStheBEST xxx**


	5. Chapter 5

MSN V

MSN

DR: Has signed in

Jack: Has signed in

DR: How did it go?

Jack: rubbishy

DR: What happened?

Jack: I've got no coffee, no sex and on desk-duty!

DR: But he's happy with the baby?

Jack: Yeah, you know him. He's already planning to move 'cause there is only one bedroom in our flat!

DR: Don't you have a house?

Jack: yeah I did but I gave up on houses in the 90s

DR: ok, do you two have the money?

Jack: technically I'm still torchwood's prisoner so they pay for my food, clothes, ½ of my 'shelter' and they pay me £2 million per year so I have about £5 billion in the bank. :)

DR: Wow. Do you spend a lot?

Jack: nar no need only on presents

Ianto: Has signed in

Ianto: most of it is spent on cars, actually.

Jack: I like the kegg!

Ianto: I do too but it isn't normally seen in Cardiff!

DR: you have a kegg? Cool!

**Still under bed, police searching everywhere! **


	6. Chapter 6

MSN VI

1 month later

Toshy: Has signed in

Gwen is cool: Has signed in

Drums! : Has signed in

DR : Has signed in

: Has signed in

Jack : Has signed in

Ianto: Has signed in

DR: Master! Change your name!

Drums!: Has changed their name to – Gwen stinks –

DR: And again

Gwen stinks: Has changed their name to – Koshi –

DR: good

Koshi: you too

DR: Has changed their name to – Theta –

Koshi: :)

: right and 'koshi' is?

Koshi: my name shortened.

Gwen is cool: And Theta?

Theta: same :)

Gwen is cool: oohhh. I hate u Master! I'm not stinky!

Gwen is cool: Has signed out

Jack: ;)

Jack: Has changed their name to – Rhys :) –

Gwen: Has signed on

Rhys :) : Gwen?

Gwen: yes

Rhys :) : YOU'RE STINKY!

Gwen: How could you :(

Gwen : Has signed out

Rhys :) : Has changed their name to – Jack –

Ianto: cool :)

Jack: :P

Theta: LOL

Koshi: double LOL

Toshy: err, Jack look out!

Jack : ah

Koshi: Triple LOL

Theta: he's going to be your son-in-law

Koshi: someone kill me

Jack: with pleasure

Theta: Jack?

Jack: yeah

Theta: Did Gwen kill you?

Jack: why would my lover kill me?

Koshi: 2 timing bastard!

Ianto: err. Don't jump to conclusions

Theta: he's cheating on you!

Ianto: nar Gwen is using Jack's computer

Koshi: Where's Jack?

Ianto : knocked out on the floor.

Theta: :) u might want to help him

Ianto: 5 secs then

Ianto: Has signed out


	7. Chapter 7

MSN VII

5 minutes later

Jack's lover: Has signed in

Ianto: Has signed in

Ianto: piss off Gwen

Ianto: Has changed their name to – Jack's fiancée –

Jack's fiancée: beat that :P

Jack: :)

Jack's lover: :(

Jack: Change your name please

Jack's lover: Has changed their name to – gwenzy –

Toshy: 'Gwenzy' really

: LOL

Toshy: I prefer Gwen is stinky

: double LOL

Gwenzy: u can talk Toshy

Jack: I think Toshy is a cool name

Jack's fiancée: Has changed their name to – Yani –

: Has changed their name to –LOL –

LOL: LOL!

Yani: what Owen?

LOL: lol, lol, lol, lol…LOL!

Theta: He has lolitis

Jack: What-itis

LOL: LOL

Koshi: right, someone slap him

Toshy: don't

Gwenzy: why?

Toshy: because it'll hurt him and he can't heal

Gwenzy: why do you care?

Ianto: it might be that they are going out.

Gwenzy: Owen only wants to shag me!

Jack: sorry to break it to you but Owen and Tosh have been going out for over a year now.

Gwenzy: They've been fooling you darling.

Jack: Owen is not the person who needs a slap. Gwen, I might need to spell it out to you. I DO NOT FANCIE/LOVE YOU, I LOVE IANTO AND I HAVE PROPOSED TO HIM! There, done! :)

Gwenzy: Ianto has brainwashed you

Ianto: 5 secs. I'm going to kill her!


	8. Chapter 8

MSN VIII

5 minutes later

Ianto: All better

Jack: what did you do to her

Ianto: reintroduced her to Janet

LOL: they will be bitching about you

Koshi: LOLitis gone then

LOL: yeah dr. did his buzz pen thing

Theta: Sonic Screwdriver

LOL: Has changed their name to – WK –

Jack: wk?

WK: Weevil king

Ianto: Jack I need to talk to you in private

Jack: sure

Jack: Has signed out

Ianto: Has signed out

WK: Has signed out

Theta: why did Owen sign out

Koshi: cause they r doing a scan

Toshy: what for?

Koshi: for the kid's gender

Toshy: what kid?

Theta: jack & Ianto's kid

Toshy: how can they have a kid?

Koshi: Jack's pregnant

Toshy: Bloody hell

Gwenzy: Has signed in

Gwenzy: is jack here?

Toshy: yeah he's in the med room

Gwenzy: is he hurt?

Koshi: no he is having a scan because he is pregnant

Gwenzy: he can't get pregnant, he is a guy

Theta: he is a male timelord therefore a fully fertile hermaphrodite

Gwenzy: but you and the Master are male timelord too

Theta: Yep and Ianto

Toshy: so you're not the last of your kind anymore

Theta: not anymore. Especially with jack and Ianto on the case. They better have a girl or it will be an all-male race

Koshi: oh theta?

Theta: yes koshi

Koshi: I'm pregnant

Theta: what! That's amazing!

Koshi: *hugs* kesfgerijagfkzmjshvbc\l,agewr

Toshy: what?

Koshi: Theta just jumped on me

Theta: I love you sooooooooo much. Xxxxx.


	9. author's notice sorry

**Author's notice**

**I know, I hate them too but you need to read this. The next chapter is terrible, it really is and no matter how many times I write it I know you won't like it. So I've put it in anyway. You can skip it and the rest will make sense and will be, hopefully, good. You just need to know, if you are skipping ahead, that 'Erik' is Jack, I've put it as his 'real' name even though his dad called him Jack. Enjoy or miss it; your choice.**

**IantoIStheBEST xxx**


	10. Chapter 9

MSN IX

**Thanks if you've continued. Sorry about the notice, the chapter, the story line… well just about everything. I personally like the character merge, if you think about their characters they are quite similar, minus Jack's flirting…**

Jack: Has signed in

Ianto: Has signed in

WK : Has signed in

Theta : What's the news?

Ianto : Triplets!

Koshi : Bloody hell

Theta : you're not alone, koshi is pregnant too

Jack : I'm stuffed

Ianto : what do you mean?

Jack: I'm pregnant; with triplets AND I get an even more insane Master trying to kill me!

Koshi: yeah how do you like the sound of unmasking.

Jack: you say one more word and I will make you wish you had never been born.

Koshi: Big threat OG or ED or even Mr.Y

Jack: shut up

Koshi: What was it like being a ghost or a phantom?

Jack: Shut Up!

Koshi: I don't call you a freak because you're immortal do I?

Jack: Shut it!

Koshi: What would poor Christine think of you now? Gay AND pregnant?

Jack: Please

Koshi : Begging are we, my little devil's child.

Jack : Just stop it!

Koshi : Nar, I'm enjoying this, aren't you? Opera Ghost?

Jack : Stop, please

Koshi: Not a mummy's boy are you Phantom? Nar she hated you, wise move to get rid of you wasn't it?

Jack: Please

Koshi: Why don't you use your real name? hey ERIK, why?

Jack: Just stop

Ianto: Jack?

Koshi: Hey! The Phantom of Opera is crying! Awww. Did I remind you of Christine and you're cheating on her!

Ianto: Piss OFF! You bastard!

Real life

"Jack? Are you ok? My dad is horrible sometimes." Ianto whispered. Jack's office was dark.

There was a grunt and some shuffling from behind Jack's desk. "Jack, baby, talk to me, please." Ianto paused. No answer. "Erik?" There was a sharp gasp. Then…

"Yan. I need to show you something and after you've seen feel free to cancel the engagement." Croaked a voice, it was obliviously Jack's but the American accent had gone.

"Erik; Jack. You know I won't." Ianto spotted Jack, behind his desk. He approached slowly and quietly, as if approaching a scared animal. He continued in a calm steady voice. "Do you prefer Jack or Erik?" He asked.

"Erik," mumbled Erik, he reached up behind him and grabbed Ianto's hand; he then pulled it and put it on the right-hand side of his face.

"It's a mask." Ianto murmured.

"Take it off but please don't scream." Whispered Erik. Ianto gently hooked his fingers under the thin flesh coloured mask, he pulled it free. He gasped. Erik's hand immediately took the place of the mask.

"Shh, I'm sorry. It just surprised me. I still love you." Ianto crouched down in front of Erik. "Do you still love me?

"Of course." Murmured Erik, his lips curled slightly at the edges.

"Good! Then we're clear. We are still engaged." Ianto smiled. "I love you no, matter what your face looks like. There are no problems. One question though; how come I didn't guess half your face was a mask? I mean…"

"Perception filter in my wrist strap." Erik cut across Ianto. "There is one point you're missing though. I'm pregnant. With triplets."

"Oh yeah. What about names?"


	11. Chapter 10

MSN X

**One bit you need to read if you missed the last chap. If you did read it I love you to bits and you were stupidly brave. If you didn't like it please tell me and I'll delete it.**

Jack: Has signed in

Ianto: Has signed in

WK: Has signed in

Theta: What's the news?

Ianto: Triplets!

Koshi: Bloody hell

Theta: you're not alone, koshi is pregnant too

Jack: I'm stuffed

Ianto: what do you mean?

Jack: I'm pregnant; with triplets AND I get an even more insane Master trying to kill me!

**On with the rest of the story. Pure Gwen Bashing later in the chap… Enjoy!**

3½ months later

Msn

DR: Has signed in

Ianto : Has signed in

DR: How is Erik?

Ianto : Good. Actually he's bored, very bored and hyper. In short; danger hazard.

DR: I was wondering if you have a gender or a due date yet

Erik : Has signed in

Erik : Ianto doesn't want to know the genders and they're due in a week.

Ianto : You're meant to be resting!

Erik : I am. I'm lying on the sofa with the laptop balancing on my tummy =) resting.

DR : he is.

MM : Has signed in

MM : Erik, come play with me! I want 2 tie u upside down.

Erik : Go away!

DR: Be nice Koshi.

MM: But I'm grumpy! My chosen name: 'Mummy Master' was too long for this stupid machine!

Tosh: Has signed in

Owen: Has signed in

Gwenzy : Has signed in

Gwenzy: Jack get off the sofa!

Tosh : Again, his name's not Jack, its Erik.

Gwenzy: He still needs to get off the sofa.

Erik : Why? I like it here.

Gwenzy: But you're getting fat.

Owen : No! Fat? Gwen he's PREGNANT!

Gwenzy : He's a GUY! He can't get pregnant

Erik : I am also a mentally unstable mass murderer.

Gwenzy : Lock him up! He's dangerous!

Ianto : We also happen to like him.

MM : I'm a mass murderer and I find that offensive!

DR : I'm mentally unstable and I find… What? Ianto lock Gwen in the cells!

Ianto : They're all full.

MM : I'm sure she can share with Janet

Tosh : Guys, be nice! She's buying the pizza today!

Gwenzy : I am?

Owen : Yes we even made you a little chart with stickers on to tell you when it is your turn.

Gwenzy : That's what it was! I thought it showed me when I had been a good girl.

Ianto : There's 7 different colours?

Gwenzy : Excellent -Pink

Very Good -Purple

Good -Green

Ok -Blue

Not Bad -Orange

Not Good -Yellow

Bad -Red

Tosh: No Gwen it's: You -Pink

The Master -Purple

Myself -Green

Erik -Blue

Owen -Orange

The Doctor -Yellow

Ianto -Red

Erik: Ianto looks good in red.

Owen : Don't need to know!

Erik : Yeah but you love Tosh!

Owen : I…

Tosh : Owen? I love you too.

Owen : How's tonight? Italian?

Tosh : If that's ok with Erik

Erik : both have the night off… oh and Gwen, go home!

Gwenzy : one day you will realise you love me Jack!

Erik : Yes I will but the universe will be ending and I won't exist anymore! =)

Ianto : and I will be dead because as long as I'm around he's mine!


	12. Chapter 11

MSN XI

**About 4 chaps ahead on paper. Enjoy this.**

5 days later

DR: Bananas are cool!

MM : Like your bowtie?

DR: Bowties ARE cool!

Erik : I hate bananas almost as much as I hate Gwen!

Ianto : My tie is better than your bowtie!

Erik : The tie you're wearing isn't as good as your red one.

Ianto : It's in the wash.

Erik : =(

Ianto : Luv u

Erik : luv u 2 jgjhfyujhascvl\sujhvsdhvc

Erik : Has lost connection

Ianto : What! ERIK!

DR: I'll check on him.

Ianto : I'm coming too

Real life

"Erik!" yelled Ianto, sprinting to Erik's office. The Doctor ran up the stairs and unlocked the door with his sonic screwdriver. Ianto ran to the open hatch and climbed down.

"Erik! Are you ok!" Erik was lying on the ground, curled up on his side. Ianto shook his shoulder. Erik groaned and uncurled.

"That really hurt!" he muttered.

"What's the matter? Dad! Help!" Ianto started to panic. The Doctor examined Erik.

"Ianto. Calm down, he's fine. He's just gone into labour."

"Erik, you ok honey?" asked Ianto.

"Yeah. 'M good." Erik murmured.


	13. Chapter 12

MSN XII

The next day

MSN

Harper1 :Has signed on

Harper2 :Has signed on

Gwenny :Has signed on

Ianto :Has signed on

MM :Has signed on

Dr. :Has signed on

Harper1 :Where's Erik?

Ianto :With the kids

Gwenny :What kids?

Dr. :Erik gave birth last night!

Gwenny :HE CAN'T HAVE KIDS!  
>MM :Well, he did!<p>

Harper2 :What are the genders?

Ianto :2 girls and a boy.

Harper1 : names?

Ianto : Amy Rose; Ellie Toshiko; Lloyd Owen.

Harper1 : Thanks mate.

Harper2 : Love u

Ianto : What's with Harper 1&2?

Harper2 : Owen proposed to me! :D

Gwenny :But Owen and Jack love me!

Erik :Has signed in

Erik :Yani, where's the ratcon?

Ianto :Why?

Erik : Gwen! PISS OFF!

Dr. : What has she done?

Erik : I love her khsfdjhewdfg get off my laptop! Go away!

MM : Kill him, Gwen, Kill him!

Ianto : sorry, fun's over. She's out cold.

Harper2 : How?

Erik : Lloyd got hold of my stun gun!

Fyhgviytuf :Has signed in

Fyhgviytuf :fyjghd,vashcbkbcj gun /?

Ianto : Erik? How are they on MSN?

Erik : I'm on my work laptop in my office and they found my other laptop in my bunk. They are so clever!

Ianto : Why aren't you with them?

Erik : Chill. The hatch's open and after the stun gun incident I remove anything harmful. Ellie that isn't edible!

Fyhgviytuf :kddddddddduvfrkbc\.niusdgvfo;KS YUM EIJHF'oHJJOIQSHIoihcdls\!1111/2qw!

Dr. :what did they eat?

Erik : er…

Ianto : she didn't did she?

Erik : She did :S

Ianto : change of subject.

MM : What did they eat?

Ianto : CHANGE OF SUBJECT!

Gwenny : Jack where did you get the kids?

Erik : My tummy!

Gwenny : What?

Erik : *sigh* I was pregnant and then I gave birth, now I have 3 kids.

Gwenny : …


	14. Chapter 13

MSN XIII

1 month later

Martha : Has signed in

Mickey : Has signed in

Dr. : Has signed in

MM : Has signed in

Erik : Has signed in

Ianto : Has signed in

Dr. : Master, are you ok?

MM : Yeah!

Martha : Why wouldn't he be ok? And what is he doing here?

Dr. : He is 2 weeks past his due date.

Ianto : and he's my dad. ;)

Martha : Due date? Dad?

MM : I was meant to give birth 2 weeks ago and yes Ianto is my son.

Mickey : Wow. Who's Erik?

Erik : Mickey Mouse!

Mickey : Cheese Cake?

Erik : Hi ya.

Ianto : Are the kids asleep yet?

Erik : Amy is. Lloyd is trying to break the cot and Ellie is dissecting my old phone; with her mouth. Ellie, that can't taste nice!

Ianto : She IS like Tosh. Where are Harper and Harper-to-be?

Dr. : Night off

Martha : Kids?

Erik : Yeah. Me and Yan had kids. Three of them!

Mickey : Wow! Wait you're both guys!

Ianto : Erik got pregnant.

Erik : blame it all on me, *sigh* you're the one who knocked me up!

Ianto : So? Still your fault. ;)

Martha : Is that possible?

MM : It's the norm for a male Timelord. We've had this conversation before.

Mickey : No we haven't. I mean I've just met you.

MM : Boring excuse. Honey? Can I rob a bank? Please!

Dr. : No! You're 9 months pregnant and overdue.

Martha : I thought you hated each other!

MM : No. The Doctor loves me and I'm going to scream!

Dr. : Why? What's wrong?

Ianto : You ok?

MM : My stomach is hurting, oh its stopped. Don't worry!

Ianto : I always worry about you.

Martha : What was it?

MM : probably just the twins fighting inside me.

Dr. : TWINS!

MM : Didn't I tell u?

Dr. : NO!

MM : Oh, must have forgotten.


	15. Chapter 14

MSN XIV

Martha : Doctor. Where are you?

Dr. : Just over here. *wave*

Mickey : you're not in the hub.

Dr. : I'm the one with the bowtie.

MM : He regenerated.

Martha : And you died your hair.

Ianto : I like it blond.

Martha : So if the Master's your dad is Lucy you're mum?

Dr. : No he's my son.

Mickey : Right, can we see the kids?

Erik : sure, they're in my office. Well, Ellie and Lloyd are; Amy's asleep, finally. So be quiet!

Ianto : Que the peradon *screech*!

Erik : Don't jinx it!

MM : My stomach's hurting. It's gone again.

Dr. : You ok?

MM : yeah, apart for a strong sense of deja-vu.

Erik : You said your stomach was hurting earlier.

Dr. : And it went away again.

Ianto : Dad, are you ok?

Martha : You said you were 2 weeks over your due date. Get a clue.

MM : Oh! Contractions! That's when I remember this from; when I gave birth to Ianto! Happy times, happy times.

Dr. : Seriously. This is not the time. Erik call Owen. He needs to get here pronto!

Erik : Already done. He's on his way.

Ianto : He'll be grumpy.

Mickey : But the Master didn't do it on purpose.

Ianto : And?

Erik : Owen sees humans as bags of chemicals.

Ianto : And any other living thing.

Erik : Slime slugs ARE bags of chemicals.

Ianto : Don't want to know.

Erik : Don't worry. They're completely testrial.

Mickey : Meaning?

Ianto : From earth.

MM : Really hate to say this but you two are made for each other.

Martha : You, being nice, to Erik?

MM : It's just the oestrogen. It'll pass.

Erik : yeah, way too weird. But still extending the hand of friendship.

Martha : Wait. You've forgiven him?!

Ianto : Hell no. He's Erik's future dad-in-law.

Mickey : You're getting married!

Erik : Have been a while.

MM : Erik got knocked up and the church didn't like it.

Ianto : No going down the aisle pregnant. Anyway; now we've got some more page-boys and bride's-maids.

Dr. : Even if there's no bride.

MM : Guy's, giving birth here.

Ianto : Ooh, complaining. Must be in pain.

MM : Just get Owen here; 'cause at the moment I'm stuck with nightingale here.

Dr. : He'll be here soon.

3am : Has signed in.

3am : Why am I here?

Erik : The Master's giving birth.

3am : Ok! I'm on it.

MM : I'm not an it, I'm a he!

Mickey : (she)

Poo-brain : has signed in

Poo-brain : Who changed my name!

MM : That was me!

Poo-Brain : I'll kill you!

MM : No you can't. Dr. won't let you! :D

Poo-Brain : Jack, make him change it back!

Erik : No. It suits you.

Dr. : Second that.

Mickey : Third it.

3am : 4th.

Martha : 5th.

MM : 6th! :D

Ianto : 7th LOL!

Erik : 8th!

Poo-Brain : Go away! I hate you ALL! Except Jack, *flutter eyelashes*

Poo-Brain : Has been blocked.

Erik : Either she uses my real name or gets blocked.

MM : You could be so evil. So much lost potential.

Ianto : That… is almost a compliment.

Dr. : Savour the moment.

MM : Nar. It'll happen again; way too soon for my liking.

3am : :-S

MM : Curse you oestrogen!

Dr. : Are you still in labour?

MM : Of course you moron. And Owen says it'll be a long one.

3am : You ok?

MM : No! I'm soooo bored. How long do I have to lie down?

Mickey : Till the kids are out?

Erik : Forever! Mwa ha ha ha!

Dr. : *shrugs* ask Martha.

Martha : About 2 hours, then we'll get you walking round.

Erik : 2 hours! I feel for you mate. I couldn't go 5 minutes.

Ianto : I know. No reminder needed.

MM : You stayed still for longer when you were dead!

Erik : Well you're not dead.

Martha : Sadly.

Dr. : Oi; that's my boyfriend!

MM : Fiancée.

Dr. : But we're not engaged.

MM : Well we are now.

Mickey : It doesn't work like that. One of you asks the other says yes.

Dr. : Yes.

MM : Marry me?

Dr. : LOL :D

Ianto : Yay 1 more step towards legitimately.

Erik : Can I come?

Dr. : Sure.

Mickey : Can I?

MM : Of course: Erik, Ianto, Mickey, Lloyd, Amy, Ellie, Donna, Owen and Tosh can all come.

Martha : What about me!

MM : Nar.

Dr. : Be nice Koshi.

MM : But I don't want her to come.

Erik : No!

Ianto : Why are you always siding with dad?

Erik : I'm not. All the kids were finally asleep then the rift alarm went off. :-( They're awake now. Mickey, you can come see them now.

3am : I'll call in Tosh and we'll sort it out.

Ianto : Don't steal our excuse. :-(

Dr. : Don't want to know.

Erik : *evil smile* we got of work! Na na na na na.

3am : Idiot.

**It was (and is) a very long chap so I've cut it up. Hope you don't mind. IantoIStheBEST xxx.**


	16. Chapter 15

MSN XV

Tosh : Has signed in.

3am : Tosh, rift activity.

Tosh : Picked it up on my way here. It's a vase.

Erik : Tosh. What did I tell you?

Tosh : It wasn't dangerous.

Ianto : It could've been.

Dr. : Wait for back up next time.

Gwen : Has signed in.

Erik : Wait! I blocked you!

Mickey : How did you change your name?

Gwen : The Master set up another account for me.

Dr. : Koshi! Why?

MM : I'm sorry! I was weak! She paid me in jelly babies. How was I meant to resist?

Ianto : Say 'no'.

Erik : Tell her to get lost.

Martha : Your an idiot!

Gwen : Has signed out

Martha : Has signed out.

MM : And YOUR grammar is rubbish.

Dr. : She's gone.

MM : Oh. I knew that!

Mickey : Sure you do. About now I should be telling you off for upsetting her.

Erik : Will you?

Mickey : Nar.

MM : Few.

Ianto : I don't think that's the spelling.

MM : Oh well. 1st baby's out.

3am : A baby girl.

Dr. : Zoey?

MM : Yes.

Tosh : Are you ok?

MM : Yeah.

3am : You've got another to go.

MM : Phooey

Mickey : *smirk*

MM : I'll kill you mouse.

Ianto : Dad?

Dr. : No killing until the baby's out.

Ianto : I meant control him.

Dr. : I can't!

Tosh : Let me try. Sit still!

MM : Ok!

3am : Ianto, where are you? I want coffee.

Ianto : Get it yourself.

3am : Please.

Ianto : It's 4am. I'm in bed.

Dr. : With Erik?

Erik : Yeah.

MM : Ewww! On MSN!

Ianto : Two laptops. *shrugs*

Mickey : Don't tell me you guys have been…

Ianto : No! Parents here!

Erik : Both meanings. The triplets are in here.

MM : Not touching?

Ianto : 2 fully grown men, 1 single bed.

Erik : Me go sleep now.

Erik : Has signed out.

Ianto : Ha! He's been yawning for the last half hour.

Dr. : Sweet.

Mickey : Tell him that and he'll go insane.

Ianto : Nar, he'd blush.

Tosh : Gonna hit the hay. See ya.

Tosh : Has signed out.

Mickey : Me too.

3am : I'll sleep on the sofa; need to keep an eye on the Master.

Ianto : See ya tomorrow.

Mickey : Has signed out.

3am : Has signed out.

Ianto : Has signed out.

Dr. : Has signed out.

MM : Has signed out.

Gwen : Has signed out.

Gwen : Hi! Guys? GUYS?

**At the end of what I have written so updates might be slow. Sorry. IantoIStheBEST xxx**


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